Submissive Reflection #2 ~ Growth

How do you want your submission to grow over the course of this year?

This is the second installment that Missy has created for us submissives to reflect on through tellmeabout.site. I do hope if you are reading this that you will consider taking time to think and possibly join in and share about your submission.

My journey so far as the submissive of Master James.

I would say that being in a LD D/s dynamic has its own challenges but add to that the fact that I was an inexperienced sub when I met Master James and you have a recipe for insecurities. I also knew that he already had a submissive wife of over 15 years at the time in which we met. So the first year (2020) was about meeting the Dom who would become my Master and establishing a great friendship. That is also the year we entered into a contact and the trust between us grew. The following year (2021) was about growing and understanding my submission in more detail. This is the year that he implemented more rules and raised expectations. Also known as a time where my desire to please my Master and keep him happy grew in intensity. I knew I would follow all rules set by Master James and be his good girl.

So, how would I like to grow throughout this year?

This year (2022) I would like to grow within my own confidence and self-worth, as a submissive. I create these false worries of, “Will he release me from our contract today?” any time I displease him or we have any form of a disagreement. I still find I feel inferior to Master’s submissive wife because where she has personal experience with Master James I only have text, audio and recently video calls. He has never said I was less or made me feel like I wasn’t enough for him but it is my own mind that defeats me and brings forth doubts of who I am as Vixen Lee to my Master.

I would say there are two areas I want to grow in. The first being, I want to let go of fearing that any imperfection or error will result in the termination of my contract. Master James has been wonderful about reassuring me of his commitment to our dynamic and I need to trust in his words and let go of those fears that plague me and keep me from immersing in the enjoyment of my submission every single day. I, like so many other submissives, feel a want or need to please my Dominant that I am hard on myself when I make an error or earn a punishment.

The other area I would like to improve is how I feel about video calls. For many years now, I have had issues in anything that involves seeing my image. I avoided mirrors, photos and video calls. I once believed I would never take a photo for Master James or have us speak through a video call. Odd considering we are in a LD dynamic. Master James never pressured me and assured me he didn’t need to see me to want me. He has taken time to slowly have me do practices to help me see myself differently. I have good days, not so good days and bad days but I don’t completely avoid all the things I did before. We have had video calls and I desperately try to avoid looking at myself and look solely upon my Master and listen to his voice. His voice is so soothing to me and reels me into my submission and want to do all that he asks of me. But, I want more. I want to learn to look at myself while I am doing the tasks he asks of me. I want to appreciate the submissive I am and who my Master sees. I want to learn to love her as my Master does. It will not come easily, but I will value every step I take that brings me closer to my goals.

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